A lot of parents come to me be cause their child can’t stay committed to anything. They quit everything they do. Why? It is usually because their parents don’t want to be the “bad guy” and make them stay with something. Quitters in life usually start when they are kids.
There are lots of possible reasons why kids want to quit any activity:
- They are not interested enough.
- They feel overwhelmed and that they can’t keep up with others.
- They feel that it is too easy and they are bored.
- They realize they aren’t “Gold Medal” material on the first day (It looked so easy on TV.)
- They are scared.
- They feel whatever they do is interchangeable with all their other activities in their life and they don’t need to make any commitment to it.
- They feel intimidated or picked on.
- They are misunderstood.
- They feel they aren’t getting the attention they should from the teacher.
It is important for parents do delve into the reasons for their child’s lack of commitment. If the reason is that the child is overwhelmed or under-challenged, then maybe extra instruction is needed to either bring them up to par or to give them more advanced training. Changing the level of instruction, class, or activity may also be the answer.
If the parent thinks that something is a waste of time, the child will pick up on that and want to quit. The kid will ask themselves “Why am I doing this?” and want to quit. Parents need to check their own attitude because it rubs off so easily on their children.
Sometimes the child thinks that someone, a peer or coach or instructor, doesn’t like them. Maybe there was a misunderstanding by one or the other person. Parents need to address this problem and make sure that the child feels confident that they are valued by others and make it a positive experience.
Children also don’t realize the value of “stick-to-it-iveness” and will quit something just because they can. Parents should reinforce the value of perseverance and not be swayed by the child’s attempt to quit. If allowed to quit without a GOOD reason, children develop patterns of quitting that is supported by the parents.
Don't teach kids to be quitters!
6 comments:
And that is what is wrong with a lot of kids in this day and age: PARENTS. Parents who are too liberal and soft. They think by letting the child be 'self guiding' they are letting them grow up without all the nasty bad feelings that come from discipline. Then they turn the other way when their kids are brats as teens or when they go to jail as adults. Be hard when they are young and they will appreciate it later. I hated it when my parents made me do things I didn't want to do but now I know it was the best thing for me and I thank them for it.
My brother's girlfriend does this with her daughter all the time. She will never understand the benefits of sticking to something even when it is tough or she doesn't like it. Many adults I know are like this and the natural presumption is that they were allowed to be like this as children. In a way, I don't mind this because I know my kids (who understand perseverance) will succeed over those other kids later on in life. Yeah for them!
Keri Williams
Chicago
"Go Bears!"
kids need to learn to captain there own ship but they also need to know responsiblity. They have to realize that once they make a decision they need to see it to the end instead of growing up to be an adult quitter. The work place is too full of unresponsible slobs who quit and let others clean up after them.
Johnny
Children are in a culture of non-commitment where they can just try things or have "do-overs" all them time. It is like the YMCA model of teaching kids: "Let's do a program for a few weeks and then do something else." No commitment. Quit anytime.
I have taught martial arts, basketball, and wrestling for over 20 years and I've seen a lot of parents that treat every activity as a "tryout". They live disposable lives and all things and events can be replaced. Their kids become self-absorbed and want everything handed to them on a silver platter. They whine, don't work, and treat employers like equals or less. The parents always encourage this behavior in the name of self-esteem.
Ken Willis
Lansing
Pansy-ass parents make pansy-ass kids.
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